Skip to main content

Things I don't say.

The things I don’t say.
But I want to.
I am way too nice. I have my moments. But chances are, if you ask me for help, I am there. I will do anything for you. But I will not ask you for help. I am infinitely capable of handling anything and everything on my own. At least that it what I will tell you. Please know, that is a lie and I am incapable of asking for assistance. Pride? I don’t know. I just know that I do this thing, even when I am using the last ounce of energy I have left to do so.  And I would not imagine putting anyone else out in the process.
I think it is a waste of life to be spiteful. I have witnessed so many people this past year use spite as a weapon. And I think that is a good portion of what is wrong with the world. WHY is everyone so angry? My gosh, just try to be loving. It really is not that hard.
Forgiveness really does release your heart from pain that you shouldn’t have to carry. I know this deeply and most personally.
Oh, and I guess I will be taboo. I will talk about my desire for love. When you are IN love, it seems to be appropriate to relish in it, to boast of it, and to shout from the rooftops your joy and bliss. I have noticed that any time I have mentioned my desire for love – I am told why I do not have it.
1)     You do not put yourself out there.
(I did. I went on a date. The guy ignored me after. Which is fine. But I did in fact put myself out there.)
2)     You are looking too hard.
(No, No I am not. I am not looking. I am too busy to look. I am raising two children on my own and I work a full-time job. The only think I am looking for is a nap. And for someone to do my laundry.)
3)     Try online dating. It’s the thing to do now!
(I am not interested in online dating. I know it works for some people. And I am not knocking it at all. I just feel like it is not for me. At least for now.)
4)     You are NOT missing anything / You can have mine / DO NOT get married again
(You would not believe how much I hear these things. I think it’s all meant to be funny. But I feel offended when people talk about love with such disregard. Yeah, it’s not all fun and games… but… it is something that is meant to be treasured. Maybe I am naïve. But I have been alone for so long. And I feel in my heart that when I have it, I will cherish it – even when I want to strangle the guy.)

2017 – I hope you are the year that will end my reign of loneliness. 6 ½ years is a long time for someone like me to not feel loved and wanted. Let’s not make it 7 ½ by this time next year. Deal?
See what I mean, though? It is taboo to talk about your desire for love. It makes one seem desperate or pathetic – at least that is how I feel that it comes across for me. But, I am not. I will continue to live my life without a partner for as long as it takes to find my match. It is okay for me to want companionship, and to talk about wanting it without being reprimanded or judged.

To end, I know that I talk like a flower-child. But I do believe in peace, love and happiness. And I will continue to hold on to that hope, because it keeps my heart going. Do what works for you, and I will do what works for me. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

PLANNING OUR DREAM FAMILY VACATION!

"If you can dream it, you can do it." - Walt Disney  In less than five months, the kids and I will be in the most magical place on Earth! I have wanted for so long to take the kids on a Walt Disney World Vacation, but it has never worked out until now. And honestly, I think the timing is perfect. The kids will be just under 8 and 7, and will be able to enjoy most rides. SO EXCITING. I may be more excited than everyone else. Just maybe! So for our first official Disney Vaca, there will be a group of us going.  We will be going during what is considered a low-crowd time, for which I am so grateful. Not only that, but we are going in November. Anyone who lives in FL knows how hot it is during the summer months, so I am very happy to be going during the winter. This vacation was first and foremost an early birthday present for the kids. They will be turning 7 and 8 in December. While December would have been more ideal, Disney is VERY busy around Christmas from what I ...
1 comment
Read more

I get it.

Wow, guys! What a crazy and busy week it was. I am so glad it is over. Last night was so peaceful. The kids fell asleep on me while we were watching TV, and I just thought to myself, "How lucky am I?" I am so lucky and grateful to have my kids. And they love me, faults and all. Unconditionally. As I do, them. This weekend is going to be pretty quiet. Full of laundry, cleaning, and all things domestic. I wish I could say we we're doing something fun and exciting, but it's hard to do fun and exciting things in dirty underwear, right?! Haha! Tomorrow we are going to the Williams house for Sunday Funday Pizza Night. I just made that up. I'll work on it.  I met with my advisor again. I have my first 4 semesters mapped out. And, even though I have to take a college prep math course that will not count towards my degree credit hours, after 1 full year, I will be halfway done with the AA portion of my degree. So, though I originally thought this may take me 6-8 y...
Post a Comment
Read more

Do it anyway!

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway. VERY heavy on my mind and heart today. I have so much more I could say, but I think this is enough. I think that everyone should read this today and take it all in.  It's something I strive...
Post a Comment
Read more