To be determined

I often wonder when I will be free to express myself. What hurts me, I must keep to myself as to not hurt someone else in the process. I could write 5 pages worth of how I FEEL right now. But I am going to just say that I feel drained. I also feel like a hippie (that was meant to be funny, not awkward-sounding). Because I believe that peace, love, and happiness can co-exist, even in the midst of chaos. But no one else does. A couple of things weighing heavy on me: 1. Love should be unconditional. That is love between spouses, and love between family members. You should love the people you love with your whole heart without expectation. It took me a long time to get that. 2. HATE gets you absolutely no where. Except for down. That's what hate gets you. 3. Having "something" to hurt another person when shit gets tough is the equivalent of running away. You can run away, but there you are. And guess what? There you will always be. Does that make you feel good?

I often wonder if I really know the people around me. I have had so many relationships where I have put my whole trust in someone, only to find out later on, that there true colors were never exposed to me fully. I feel, with all my heart, that when I love someone, whether it be in friendship or a romantic relationship, that I give myself to that person. I am me. I find it hard to be anything but. Well, I felt that way. Maybe not anymore. Because, as it turns out, I have withheld the corners of my heart for quite some time. I am a happy person... do not get me wrong. But there is so much more to me than what I portray. I am, by nature, a sensitive, emotional, serious person. I have focused so much on trying to be "light" and "laid-back" that I have, as I said, withheld myself from those I love. I have a connection issue. It is something I have been working on for over a year now. I have friends, but I do not feel connected to them in a way I felt before. It is a d