To be determined

So yesterday my little man was sick. He woke up very early crying and screaming in pain. It got to the point where I felt it best that I take him to the ER. I had tried to get him an appt on Friday, but they only had one right in the middle of my work day. Turns out my little buddy has a sinus infection and a double ear infection. So I stayed home and took care of him yesterday! This blog isn't about lucas being sick, though. As I woke up this morning, holding him in my arms, I felt so sad that I would have to drop him off somewhere else.... for somebody else to play with him. I have missed the window. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. And I missed it. Being a single mom, that is pretty much impossible. I want to get out in the Sunshine on a Wednesday at 10 am and take my kids to the park. I want to take them on a hike. I want to do a scavenger hunt with them on a Friday afternoon. I am away from my house from 745am-545/6pm Monday through friday. When we get home I ...

I had a dream last night about an ex boyfriend. But it wasn't ABOUT him. Let me explain. It looked like him. But in the dream I knew it was just a man that looked like him. I know this sounds strange. First of all, let me say I have no feelings left over for any guy I have dated. Everything happened as it should have. This man was just the chosen one to run this dream. The dream was based on a crazy day of spending time with my children and I. A day in which this man had to step up and take care of children who were not his own. In the dream, the day was fun. It was full of twists and turns, but this man took to this responsibility because he loved me. And he was learning to love my kids as well.  At some point we got separated and once home I was waiting on him and the kids. Finally they arrived. And he was unhappy. He wouldn't speak to me at first and needed a few minutes to himself. It was too much. My ready made family was just too much. I remember feeling defeated. I ...

It's been a while since my last post. I have been very busy. So the last two Mondays (this one is included), I have woken up unhappy to go to work. It actually has nothing to to with the job itself. I like my job and the people I work with. Last weekend, I just wanted more day. This morning, I woke up saying to myself, "What am I doing with my life?" Deep inside, I have a gypsy soul, and feel the urge for change. Which is funny. I am not spontaneous. But I am impulsive. There is something I have been thinking about for quite a long time. But it will never come to fruition. My heart tells me I belong up north so that my children can grow up around and know their family (both my mom and dad's side). But their dad lives here. And I wouldn't pull them away like that. No matter how much I may want to be closer to my own family. Other than that, I feel like something is missing. I work. I take care of the kids . Wouldn't really have it any other way since ev...