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The window has closed.

So yesterday my little man was sick. He woke up very early crying and screaming in pain. It got to the point where I felt it best that I take him to the ER. I had tried to get him an appt on Friday, but they only had one right in the middle of my work day. Turns out my little buddy has a sinus infection and a double ear infection. So I stayed home and took care of him yesterday!

This blog isn't about lucas being sick, though. As I woke up this morning, holding him in my arms, I felt so sad that I would have to drop him off somewhere else.... for somebody else to play with him.

I have missed the window. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. And I missed it. Being a single mom, that is pretty much impossible. I want to get out in the Sunshine on a Wednesday at 10 am and take my kids to the park. I want to take them on a hike. I want to do a scavenger hunt with them on a Friday afternoon.

I am away from my house from 745am-545/6pm Monday through friday. When we get home I need to make dinner, clean, give baths, etc. That leaves so little time to have meaningful relationships with my kids. Then on the weekends it's all catchup with what I wasn't able to get done during the week.

It's all about time management, I keep hearing. I just don't think I should have to fight so hard to spend time with my kids. But that is my life. I do have to have a job. And I am lucky I have the one I have that is understanding when one of my kids are sick. It's a plus in this situation.

I am beginning to realize that what I wanted out of life and what I have are two different things. And I need to be more understanding and appreciative of what is in front of me. We can make this work. I just need to try harder. I need to make some changes.

♡Nikki

Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 11, 2014 at 1:58 PM

    Even though I dont have a kid yet, I worry alot about whether I'll be able to be as present as I want to be. I'm going to be a working mom too but I think as long as we try our best, the kids will pick up on that. But there seriously just isn't enough time in a day, huh?

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