It's been a while since my last post. I have been very busy.
So the last two Mondays (this one is included), I have woken up unhappy to go to work. It actually has nothing to to with the job itself. I like my job and the people I work with. Last weekend, I just wanted more day. This morning, I woke up saying to myself, "What am I doing with my life?" Deep inside, I have a gypsy soul, and feel the urge for change. Which is funny. I am not spontaneous. But I am impulsive.
There is something I have been thinking about for quite a long time. But it will never come to fruition. My heart tells me I belong up north so that my children can grow up around and know their family (both my mom and dad's side). But their dad lives here. And I wouldn't pull them away like that. No matter how much I may want to be closer to my own family.
Other than that, I feel like something is missing. I work. I take care of the kids . Wouldn't really have it any other way since eventually they'll be gone and won't need me any more. However, day in and day out, I do for others. I don't do a whole lot for myself. Sometimes, I wish I was more selfish. Even when I go out, it's usually to celebrate someone else.
Pity me. That's what all that sounds like.
I think it's ok to be honest on this blog. I have deleted things before, and even in this post, that I was worried would offend or hurt someone else's feelings. I am even doing THAT for someone else.
I feel like I am under a great deal of stress here lately. I am under a lot of pressure to make the right decisions.
I want more. I know it's attainable. I know that it's a matter of change. The question is... how? I am a person of routine and consistency. Though, my heart badly yearns for excitement of "new" and "fun." I don't believe those two types work well with ONE person. So I often find I am at war with myself. That, is what I believe, make me the analytically, stressed, worried person I am. Oi.
What now? Where do I go in life? I know I am meant for more than how I feel. I know that my children need to see me attain my dreams and goals so they are able to breath life into their own. Being a better, more well rounded person will help them be as well. But HOW? That's the big question of the day. Where do I start?
Right now, I just do not know.
<3Nikki
So the last two Mondays (this one is included), I have woken up unhappy to go to work. It actually has nothing to to with the job itself. I like my job and the people I work with. Last weekend, I just wanted more day. This morning, I woke up saying to myself, "What am I doing with my life?" Deep inside, I have a gypsy soul, and feel the urge for change. Which is funny. I am not spontaneous. But I am impulsive.
There is something I have been thinking about for quite a long time. But it will never come to fruition. My heart tells me I belong up north so that my children can grow up around and know their family (both my mom and dad's side). But their dad lives here. And I wouldn't pull them away like that. No matter how much I may want to be closer to my own family.
Other than that, I feel like something is missing. I work. I take care of the kids . Wouldn't really have it any other way since eventually they'll be gone and won't need me any more. However, day in and day out, I do for others. I don't do a whole lot for myself. Sometimes, I wish I was more selfish. Even when I go out, it's usually to celebrate someone else.
Pity me. That's what all that sounds like.
I think it's ok to be honest on this blog. I have deleted things before, and even in this post, that I was worried would offend or hurt someone else's feelings. I am even doing THAT for someone else.
I feel like I am under a great deal of stress here lately. I am under a lot of pressure to make the right decisions.
I want more. I know it's attainable. I know that it's a matter of change. The question is... how? I am a person of routine and consistency. Though, my heart badly yearns for excitement of "new" and "fun." I don't believe those two types work well with ONE person. So I often find I am at war with myself. That, is what I believe, make me the analytically, stressed, worried person I am. Oi.
What now? Where do I go in life? I know I am meant for more than how I feel. I know that my children need to see me attain my dreams and goals so they are able to breath life into their own. Being a better, more well rounded person will help them be as well. But HOW? That's the big question of the day. Where do I start?
Right now, I just do not know.
<3Nikki
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