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Mirages

I had a dream last night about an ex boyfriend. But it wasn't ABOUT him. Let me explain. It looked like him. But in the dream I knew it was just a man that looked like him. I know this sounds strange.

First of all, let me say I have no feelings left over for any guy I have dated. Everything happened as it should have. This man was just the chosen one to run this dream.

The dream was based on a crazy day of spending time with my children and I. A day in which this man had to step up and take care of children who were not his own. In the dream, the day was fun. It was full of twists and turns, but this man took to this responsibility because he loved me. And he was learning to love my kids as well.  At some point we got separated and once home I was waiting on him and the kids. Finally they arrived. And he was unhappy. He wouldn't speak to me at first and needed a few minutes to himself. It was too much. My ready made family was just too much. I remember feeling defeated.

I believe in the end he came around. But that part of the dream was small and short lived.

Obviously the emphasis is on the struggle I have as single mother to find a man willing and ready to be a family man. I cannot casually date. Some single moms do. I don't. And I won't. My kids are not going to meet several different guys. I also don't have the time or luxury to do so.

I will find a man I can be best friends with. And falling in love will be natural. That's what I hope anyways.

Dreams are significant. It proves to me that my heart is ready to love again. But that my guard is still up. What if I meet a great guy and he is just not ready to be part of something bigger? I am not looking for a hot date. I am looking for a partner.

I often wonder if he is out there for me. Do I have a better half? I am optimistic. But it has been so long that I just don't know what it feels like to not be alone. It seems like a surreal vision. Almost like a mirage. I can see it in the future,  but the closer I get to it, it fades away into something completely different.

Hopefully love is not a mirage.
Hopefully he is not a mirage.

♥Nikki

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