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It ends today.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. For the past 7 years my focus has been on being a mother. And now, at almost 30 years old, it's time to start thinking about myself. It's something I am not very good at.

I want more for my kids. I want more for me. So in January, 11 1/2 years after graduating from High School, I will be starting college. I can't believe I am actually doing it.  I am nervous. I am excited. I am really happy. I am terrified. Mostly terrified that it will take me 10 years to earn my Bachelor's Degree. I have to figure out a way around that. I want this to work. But I also will not sacrifice time with my kids. People say, "but you are showing them a good example. That's what they will remember." That's fine and dandy. I get that. But I highly doubt that my good example is what my kids will remember fondly about me if I were to kick the bucket 2 years from now. For me, there needs to be a balance. Otherwise this cannot work for my family.

I am kind of at a point in life that I am feeling very unfulfilled in a lot of areas. There is a lot of emptiness. I don't mean to sound so dramatic about it. But there are a lot of things I thought I would experience by now. And it's ok. I am patient. I can wait longer. But there are certain things that may not happen for me and it's been a battle acknowledging that. But you have to take what you have been given and be grateful. I really am grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. It's just taking a little longer than I expected to figure out who I am. But, I can honestly say that I am so proud of myself for doing it. I will no longer sit back and watch everyone else live, while I just "get through the day." Not anymore. It ends today.









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